If there is one thing I hate

May 18, 2008 at 4:51 pm (If there is one thing I hate, parenting, Perfect Mom Trap)
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From the moment someone finds out you’re pregnant to probably the day your child is out of the house (and in some cases after that) you are inundated with unsolicited advice. I can’t stand it. I particularly can’t stand it when its given on really unimportant or marginally relevant issues.

My mother is quick to give advice and what more, I find it unnecessary and damn hypocritical. This morning my son had cereal for breakfast and the “main course” in his lunch was a ham sandwich. So basically I’m a bad mother because ‘I’m home now’. I guess that means I’m supposed to cook steak and homemade mashed potatoes for lunch.

When it comes to food she has this cute little saying that she ‘eats to live’ she doesn’t ‘live to eat.’ Great, why not have that philosophy about my MY son? Instead, she’s ready to shovel anything down his mouth that he so desires. Soldier (my son) is the type of kid that eats and drinks because he sees not because he’s hungry. And I know that the eating habits a child has influences how they are as an adult. I tell her this all the time and I get an “I know” but that doesn’t stop her from questioning WHY I won’t let him eat ice cream after 9pm the day after he had ice cream at a rare mom and me trip to Dairy Queen. Read the rest of this entry »

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Life is so short

May 17, 2008 at 6:34 pm (A little perspective, Life)
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Beyond the door
There’s peace I’m sure.
And I know there’ll be no more…
Tears in heaven

I talked about my ex’s friend who was on life support after giving birth to a healthy baby. She passed on leaving behind a husband of less than two years and a week old baby who will never feel his mother’s touch.

Life is short. And now the uncertainty of financing grad school seems stupid. The anger over my son’s lousy elementary school and the frustrations due to my Upward Bound students’ laziness all seem like worthless issues to exert so much emotion over today.

Now I feel lucky. Lucky enough to be able to experience those emotions at all. Lucky that I may have touched and motivated the life of at least one of the students I worked with. Lucky that I have a son I’ve watched grow up over the last nine years. Lucky that breath runs through my body which enables me to make mistakes, dream and enjoy.

I can think back and see her laughing, enjoying our day, and talking about the future. We all know our time on Earth is short. But she never knew it would be this short. That day we laughed and laughed and laughed none of us knew her time was winding down.

I am, by no means, a religious person. And maybe that means I don’t have the right to post this but I will because it just rings true to how I feel right now.

we thank you now for all her life,
for every memory of love and joy,
for every good deed done by her
and every sorrow shared with us.
We thank you for her life and for her death,
we thank you for the rest in Christ she now enjoys,
we thank you for giving her to us…

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When tragedy sends your mind racing

May 16, 2008 at 7:00 am (Dating and Relationships, Life)
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I was set to talk about why my son’s nickname is Soldier but I received a pretty sad phone call that has left me contemplating life. It was a call from an ex-boyfriend; THE ex-boyfriend, the only one that has ever mattered. The only one that made me want to get married.

He called to tell me about his friends; they are married and they had a baby last Thursday. I met her when I went to visit the ex. We shared a girls’ day at the hair salon and then off to get a manicure and pedicure. Later that night the three of us went out for dinner and drinks. I never met her then fiance because he was working overseas during that time. This is their first child together.

The baby is healthy but unfortunately she had a hole in her heart. It filled during the delivery and she has already undergone two heart surgeries. It doesn’t look good and the doctors will attempt to save her again with one more surgery. I only met her that one day but the tears fell in a steady stream down my face. I took to her instantly. She was happy that ‘the boy’ and I were getting married. She and her husband just had a baby. What must he be going through? What about the baby? Read the rest of this entry »

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So I’m not the only one

May 15, 2008 at 11:05 am (Life)
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One of the sports writers I’ve always enjoyed was Dan LeBatard of the Miami Herald. He had the right balance of ‘hey superstar athlete you’re a moron’ and ‘hey idiot fan, get off your judgmental high horse’ that suits my own personal take on the world of sports.

Muffy, who is not only wonder woman mommy but sports nut, sent me the link to Dan’s latest article, “Time to open a new chapter in my life“. In it he tells of his need to “concentrate on building the bridge to the second half of my life.” Thats is me. I am currently working towards another part of my life. I have so many dreams, ambitions and interests (as noted in the About page) that I don’t know what to do first or what I really want to do.

I can pretty much trace my indecisiveness about career and job to the Army. Its good for creating a jack of all trades, master of none. I did a little bit of everything. So I could bounce back and forth from different offices whose duties had nothing to do with each other. And I have to say I somewhat liked being a floater, the ringer, the closer. The person who could (learn just enough) to wing it get the job done. Read the rest of this entry »

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A prince and a scholar

May 13, 2008 at 8:48 pm (Dating and Relationships)
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Yesterday I mentioned that I strive to surround myself with people who are not only what I am but what I aspire to be. I’m a single girl and I have a few “necessities” when it comes to the men I date (and maybe the one I marry should that day happen). Like every girl, the number one trait on my list is a sense of humor. Girls love to laugh huh? He also needs to be motivated and loving. But the trait I’ve realized while talking to a friend (Muffy) is that he has to be smarter than me.

Not as smart as me. Smarter than me. Oh what a boring life, to be the smartest person in the room (or relationship). I want a boy who values my favorite books and authors list. I want a boy who can explain Clausewitz, moles, and be my own personal tour guide around the world. I want someone who stimulates not only my body but my mind. Read the rest of this entry »

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Do you even know how to smile?

May 12, 2008 at 2:40 pm (A little perspective)
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I’m not for ignoring the elephant in the room. I can appreciate problems and I am willing to address them regardless of embarrassment or the taboo effect. But some people are big time Debbie Downers. For these people the glass will always be half empty and thats a pretty sad, miserable existence.

You can’t even be a positive light in your own life, forget someone else’s or the world, when you’re a pessimist. The key to change is to not walk around acting like the world and everyone in it is hopeless. The key to happiness is realizing as time goes on, someway somehow the present and future will be (can be) better than the past.

What I definitely don’t like is blowing things out of proportion to make the molehill an erupting lava-filled volcano (forget the mountain). I know, I’ve been that way and no one can tell me that attitude is conducive to positive change or a good life.

When I’m having a bad day I always remember: I could complain, but it could be worse. I’m not for keeping my feelings (happy, sad or otherwise) bottled up but I’m not going to use up all my “Cry on my shoulder” passes on the small stuff. Read the rest of this entry »

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My baby has a tight spiral

May 11, 2008 at 9:18 pm (Single mommyhood, Sports)
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After a long and eventful (and wonderful) Mother’s day (for reasons other than Mother’s Day) my little one and I went out to toss the football around. I have to say that my baby has a tight spiral and I love saying it because guess what–he got it from his momma. That’s right. I taught him how to throw a football.

Many times I’ve wallowed in the guilt of single parenthood. And though it may not be the most ideal situation, I know that I am making the best of our two-person family. People say one of the reasons a little boy needs a father around is to play catch, go to games and learn about sports. Well, my little one may need a male role mole but now for that. He has me and my love of sports rivals any man’s. Read the rest of this entry »

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A ten year old?!

May 9, 2008 at 6:55 am (My baby is growing up, When did I become an adult?)

There are those magical ages in a person’s life. Milestones if you will. 16 – driving. 18- voting and adult status. 21- legal drinking age. 30 – The true change to maturity (if we’re lucky). But there is another age change that happens. And it means nothing when we hit this age but it means everything when our child does. 10.

Seriously?! I have a child with a double-digit age. Seriously?! Well, not quite yet. But I’ve begun to prepare myself for the cold, hard reality. When people ask how old he is I say, “He’ll be ten in July.” Seriously?!

I guess it’s even harder for me to believe since mentally I’m about 17. Its really not my fault. I’ve spent the last two years on a college campus with traditional undergrad-age students sitting in classrooms with 18-22 year olds. That deserves many posts all on their own. Read the rest of this entry »

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Hello world!

May 8, 2008 at 7:54 pm (Perfect Mom Trap)
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Initially I was all set to become a neurotic mess over not being able to come up with some witty, fabulous, first post title. Then I remembered I go through life half-assing it, so why get all motivated now.

I’m a single mother (get the stones ready) of a little boy (on second thought, lets just burn me alive now). Now this is where I’m supposed to dote on and on and on about how much I love my son, how he’s the center of my universe and I live for nothing more than to hear every word he utters, watch every move he makes, and characterize every badass things he does as cute and precocious.

Well, I can’t. I love him but he drives me crazy. I love him but sometimes “silence is golden” was penned for him. I love him but every single move I make isn’t for his sake or to bring him everlasting joy. I love him but I don’t feel any guilt when I have to leave him for a few hours (and on rare special occasions a couple of days!). Read the rest of this entry »

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